"Baby Daddy" rises with the surrogacy trend

Tina Fey's fictional, single-parent, baby-proofing days may be over after her release of "Baby Mama" earlier this year, but the parental adventure is just beginning for many people who decided to conceive via surrogacy.

An interesting fact in the growing trend of surrogacy is that many parents are single, and some are actually men.

According to CNN, two surrogacy agencies have seen a significant growth in the number of single men wanting to have children.

This is absolutely amazing. Men are finally starting to be respected as caregivers.

As a feminist, I believe equality is the ultimate goal. But it seems that as women have gain momentum in becoming "providers," men have made very little progress in the area of "care giving."

Women can now bring home the bacon, but men still can't use a skillet.

Men have begun to take a more proactive role within families, helping partners (both gay and straight) raise children. But single parents experience the biggest hardships. Unfortunately, the only single parents we ever seem to hear about are single women.

But single men are doing the exact same thing as single women when it comes to parenting. Both must generate a steady revenue to support their family; foster a safe and nurturing environment for the growth and development of their prodigy; and both have to deal with the social stigma that come with being single parent.

The root of the problem for both men and women who are single parents lies in the fact that they are single. Single-ness is an unspoken unacceptability within our society. Because, for whatever reason, we believe that we can't love ourselves enough to lead a productive and healthy life.

So we look for another to support us and we pity those who have not found someone. But what about children?

These men and women - these single parents - aren't really single or alone. They have families, children who love and support them. And if love and support is the only thing needed to form a wholly functional family, I'd say these parents are doing a pretty good job.

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Single men turning to surrogates

By Ronni Berke - CNN Senior Producer

NEW YORK (CNN) -- Jeff Walker says from as far back as he can remember, he always wanted to be a father.

"It was always something I knew, from the time I was a child." Just like his 3-year-old daughter, Elizabeth, who says she wants to be a mommy someday, Jeff says, "I knew I wanted to be a daddy."

Walker, a Manhattan music executive, says he and his partner had talked about adopting a baby years ago. But after three emotionally draining, failed attempts at adoption, they decided to turn to surrogacy. They contacted Circle Surrogacy, a Boston agency that specializes in gay clients. Their child was conceived with a donor egg, and then the embryo implanted in the surrogate, or carrier.

After Elizabeth was born, Walker and his partner separated. He then made a critical decision -- to become a dad again, single, and by choice.

"I realized my family, my two-dad family was going to look different than I thought it was going to look," he said. Without a partner, he would face even steeper challenges raising Elizabeth and a sibling alone. Walker says he gave the decision a lot of thought.

"That was the only part that was really controversial, because I do think there are a lot of challenges that single parents face, but at the same time I felt I was capable of handling those challenges," he said.

His second daughter, Alexandra, was born two years ago to the same surrogate, implanted with an egg from a different donor.

Walker, 45, is one of a growing number of single men -- both gay and straight -- who are opting to become fathers alone, with the help of gestational surrogacy.

Surrogacy experts say because the practice is not regulated, many surrogacy arrangements are handled privately by individuals. Precise figures are hard to come by, but experts say there's no doubt the United States is experiencing a surrogacy baby boom.

Celebrities like Ricky Martin and Clay Aiken announced this year they had had babies with the help of surrogates and the the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology, representing scores of reproductive clinics, reports that the number of gestational surrogate births in the country quadrupled between 1996 and 2006.

Surrogacy experts say gestational surrogacy has increased steadily since the advent of in vitro fertilization in the early 1980s, because it provides an extra layer of emotional and legal protection for the client. The egg donor usually does not even know the client, and unlike the legally contentious "Baby M" case from the 1980s, the surrogate is not giving birth to her genetic child.

"It rises as an issue far less frequently with gestational surrogacy, because women never see it as their child to begin with," said John Weltman, president of Circle Surrogacy.

His agency, which expects more than 70 babies to be born in 2009, has seen a 50 percent growth in the number of single male clients over the past year.

Walker and other men are willing to pay well over $100,000 to have a baby through surrogacy -- the final cost depending on the number of IVF treatments necessary and how much is paid by insurance.

Circle is not the only major surrogacy provider experiencing a single-dad surge. At Growing Generations, a Los Angeles, California, agency that facilitates about 100 births a year, the number of single men seeking surrogates has doubled in the past three years, spokeswoman Erica Bowers said.

Although most of their single male clients are gay, surrogacy providers say a smaller but growing number are straight. Steven Harris, a New York malpractice and personal-injury attorney, says he gave up trying to get married when he realized his primary motive was to start a family.

Harris, 54, says he knew he made the right decision after 21-month old Ben was born.

"I thought getting married was the only way to go, because I did want a family. But having Ben, I feel complete now," Harris says.

Original Article:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/12/23/single.men.parenting/index.html

Score one more racism point for the South

I am a Southerner, whether I like it or not.

I was born in the South, raised in the South, attend school in the South and will probably stay in the South for a while.

Despite my frequent gripes about the narrow-minded bigots and unintelligent rednecks I occasionally encounter, I really think it is an amazing place to live. It feels like home.

But living inside the South and looking at it from the outside are two very different things.

INSIDE: warm, friendly, down-to-earth and helpful.

OUTSIDE: bigoted, unintelligent, dirty and backwards.

Anytime I encounter someone outside of the South, the conversation usually begins as follows:

Them: "Oh wow, what a cute accent you have. You're not from around here are you?"

Me: "No, I'm from Tennessee."

*At this point, there is usually a reference to Nashville (and country music), Jack Daniels or Orange.*

Me: "Yes, I live outside of Nashville; No, I don't like country music; No, I've never been to the distillery; No, I don't go to UTK or watch their football games."

And this is usually where the conversation comes to a screeching halt - due to the fact that I am not, what they consider, a "Southerner."

I don't want to sound hypocritical, so I should probably denote that not all non-Southerners think like this. There are probably about as many non-Southerners who think we are dirty mouth-breathers as there are Southerners who think Northerners are uppity carpetbaggers.

Regardless, assumptions run amok through both cultures. So when something like what happened in High Point, North Carolina (see story below) makes the news, it comes as no shock that another point is scored in favor of the Southern stereotype.

First and foremost, any racial slurs or gestures are absolutely unacceptable in any manner and in any part of the country. However, because this happened in a southern state, the implications of the message are far more severe.

It's bad enough that we're looked at as having a foundation of racism thanks to slavery and resistance to the Civil Rights Movement (in various areas of the South). But times are changing, attitudes are improving, and the people who originally held degrading and oppressive thoughts are steadily dying out, leaving behind a generation of more accepting and open-minded individuals - with the exception of a few.

Honestly, I don't think that the South has any more racists-minded residents than any other region in our country. Once again, the stereotype just lends itself to the assumption that we do. I've definitely run into a few people who assume we all run around barefooted and sleep with a shotgun under our pillow.

If anything, one of the most predominate qualities of the Southern culture is the concept of respect and honor.

I just wish that people, like the two teens from High Point, had enough respect for the honor and dignity of our region.

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2 charged after Klan-like hoods found outside school

By J. Brian Ewing, Staff Writer (News and Record)

HIGH POINT - Two teens were charged with hanging four Klan-like hoods around the campus of High Point Central this morning.

David Lee Hughes, 16, and Mitchell James Dawkins, 16, were both charged with placing an exhibit with the intention of intimidating and misdemeanor larceny.

Police Capt. Tony Hamrick said the hoods are made of white vinyl and had holes cut in them. They were actually traffic cones turned inside out. The cones had recently been stolen, and other traffic cones were found in a vehicle near the school, according to a news release.

Three of the hoods were hung near the bus parking lot at the school, and the fourth was hung from the school's flagpole.

The hoods were found about 5:30 a.m. today by a school custodian.

No nooses were found, Hamrick said, despite earlier reports from school system officials stating there were.

Hamrick said there have been no recent race-related issues at the school that he is aware of. The incident does not represent the atmosphere at the school, he said.

"This is an irresponsible prank we take seriously," he said.

Two officers will remain on the campus for the remainder of the school day.

Hughes and Dawkins, who are both white, were released to the custody of their parents.

ORIGINAL STORY:

http://www.news-record.com/content/2008/12/15/article/2_in_custody_after_klan_like_hoods_found_outside_school

Military recruiters double as Uncle Sam's punching bags

Right next to Hobby Lobby, off of Old Fort Parkway, sits the Murfreesboro military recruitment offices - or as I call it, "piranha row."

I have never liked military recruiters. My father was in the military and since the day I was born, I've apparently been on their "must have" list.

By the age of 12, I was receiving US Army paraphernalia - bags, visors, Frisbees, sunglasses.

When I was 14, I joined my high school's JROTC program. This was mostly out of respect for my father, who was, at the time, the executive officer of the program.

I may not like the military, but I will respect the fact that my father served our country and the military has provided him and my family a stable living for the better part of my life.

When I was 15, a sophomore, the Army recruiter came to visit.

I, along with my fellow classmates, were told to come to school in dress uniform and give up our lunch periods to stand with the Army recruiter to talk with our fellow, non-JROTC peers.

We were supposed to sell the army life, despite the fact that we hadn't lived it. I just found it a useful excuse not to be forced to find a seat in our already over-crowded cafeteria.

After my sophomore year, I quit the JROTC program and devoted myself to the school paper. The "liberal" media was, and still is, the best way I have found to serve our citizens, because a well-informed community makes for a stronger country.

But even though I ditched JROTC and refused to sign-up or respond to any postcards, letters or e-mails I have (and still do on occasion) receive, I still held somewhat of a grudge against the recruiters that went after me and my high school friends with promises of money, fame, glory and candy.

After reading the article posted below, I feel sorry for military recruiters. With two wars, the majority of the world against us, the switching of executive administrations and the ever-mounting pressure felt by our armed forces, I'm honestly shocked that the suicide count isn't higher.

It makes me wonder how many attempted suicides aren't known to the public.

It makes me think about the lies the military executives tell recruiters.

It makes me question whether these people we ask to protect us feel like they are treated with any scrap of dignity - particularly by their superiors.

It makes me sad that our country has gotten to this point.

It's shameful.

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By: The Associated Press

Sgt. 1st Class Patrick Henderson, a strapping Iraq combat veteran, spent the last, miserable months of his life as an Army recruiter, cold-calling dozens of people a day from his strip-mall office and sitting in strangers' living rooms, trying to sign up their sons and daughters for an unpopular war.

He put in 13-hour days, six days a week, often encountering abuse from young people or their parents. When he and other recruiters would gripe about the pressure to meet their quotas, their superiors would snarl that they ought to be grateful they were not in Iraq, according to his widow.

Less than a year into the job, Henderson — afflicted by flashbacks and sleeplessness after his tour of battle in Iraq — went into his backyard shed, slid the chain lock in place, and hanged himself with a dog chain.

He became, at age 35, the fourth member of the Army's Houston Recruiting Battalion to commit suicide in the past three years — something Henderson's widow and others blame on the psychological scars of combat, combined with the pressure-cooker job of trying to sell the war.

"Over there in Iraq, you're doing this high-intensive job you are recognized for. Then, you come back here, and one month you're a hero, one month you're a loser because you didn't put anyone in," said Staff Sgt. Amanda Henderson, herself an Iraq veteran and a former recruiter in the battalion.

The Army has 38 recruiting battalions in the United States. Patrick Henderson's is the only one to report more than one suicide in the past six years.

The Army began an investigation after being prodded by Amanda Henderson and Texas Sen. John Cornyn. Cornyn, a Republican on the Armed Services Committee, said he will press for Senate hearings.

"We need to get to the bottom of this as soon as we can," he said.
The all-volunteer military is under heavy pressure to sign up recruits and retain soldiers while it wages two wars.

Douglas Smith, a spokesman for the Army Recruiting Command, acknowledged that recruiting is a demanding job but said counseling and other support are available.

"I don't have an answer to why these suicides in Houston Recruiting Battalion occurred, but perhaps the investigation that is under way may shed some light on that question," he said.
In all, 15 of the Army's 8,400 recruiters have committed suicide since 2003. During that period, more than 540 of the Army's half-million active-duty soldiers killed themselves.

The 266-member Houston battalion covers a huge swath of East Texas, from Houston to the Arkansas line. Henderson committed suicide Sept. 20. Another battalion member, Staff Sgt. Larry Flores Jr., hanged himself in August at age 26; Sgt. Nils "Aron" Andersson, 25, shot himself to death in March 2007; and in 2005, a captain at battalion headquarters took his life, though the military has not disclosed any details. All served combat tours before their recruiting assignments.

Charlotte Porter, Andersson's mother, said her son — who served two tours in Iraq with the 82nd Airborne and earned a Bronze Star — couldn't lie to recruits about the war and felt an enormous burden to ensure they could become the kind of soldiers he would want watching his back.

"He wasn't a complainer. He just said it really sucked," said his 51-year-old mother, who is from Eugene, Ore. "He felt like a failure."

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On the Net:

Complete Original Article: http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-national/20081222/Recruiter.Suicides/

Army Recruiting Command: http://www.usarec.army.mil/

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.